Lock-In

Yesterday the kids were at the Club ALL day because the teachers had a planning day to get 2nd nine weeks grades calculated. This of course means I was there at 6:30am. Teenagers should not be encountered before noon without the gear that handlers wear when training police attack dogs. Additionally, we decided to have another lock-in since the kids love them so much and have been begging for another one since August. Fortunately this time I got the 4am-8am shift since nobody else can get their arse out of bed to do it. I usually wake up at about 5am anyway since my partner starts bouncing around, playing with his laptop (DIE Mac users!), and watching YouTube videos (DIE people who post stupid youtube videos!). Getting up at 3:30 really wasn't too much of a stretch, although I woke up with a headache. When I walked into the Club it had all the earmarks of a raging end-of-term frat party sans the controlled substances and sex, although not for lack of trying on the latter topic. I grabbed a piece of fried chicken, drank my tea, and spent the rest of the morning trying to keep boys and girls from touching each other. Does anybody know any chastity belt makers? I am very glad that it has only been in the 30's F outside so the kids were wearing winter pj's and I was less traumatized seeing them in those. When I drove by the high school on the way home I noticed most of the teachers were already there feverishly grading.

Yes Mom, errrr Ma'am, ummmmmmmm

One of the sixteen year old kids called me "mama" yesterday by mistake while pleading for a ride home to obtain some athletic shorts.

Ride was not given.

We lost Delicate Boy for about 20 minutes yesterday. I was sitting in my classroom working on winter decor with a small group of kids and monitoring video game usage. Delicate Boy came in off the bus, put his things away, said good afternoon to me, and ran out in the gym to play. Later when we all went out to have bleacher time (kids sit on bleachers, announcements are given, problems addressed, this happens every other day) Delicate Boy was conspicuously absent and one of my coworkers looked everywhere for him. The Boss told me to go next door to his mother's office (thank goodness she is right there) to see if he'd slipped out and gone over to be with her. He was not there and his mother was terrified so I brought her back over to the Club. Boss told me to call 911, which I did. Just as I got the city police on the phone Delicate Boy came out of the cupboard. Apparently he'd heard his mother's voice and decided the game was up. As I understand it he had a tiff with one of his friends and since he hates having to discuss conflict with the staff and refuses to take responsibility for his actions he hid. Man did it ever scare me when we couldn't find him, it scared me like he was my own. The Boss took Delicate Boy and his mom into the office and turned the rest of the kids loose and a bunch of them came up to me wanted to know where he'd been hiding. They could tell it had scared me so I told them why it scared me and then used it as a "teachable moment" to talk to them about why it could be dangerous to leave the center or to hide somewhere.

A couple of days ago a couple of the thirteen year old boys decided to quiz me.

THEM: What's dick mean?
ME (with poker face): It's a nickname for Richard, as in Vice. Pres. Dick Cheney, I'd better not hear you say it unless you are talking about him.
THEM: What's pussy mean?
ME: It's a slang term for cat. Now please be quiet and do your homework.

On another occasion:

THEM: Do girls fart?
ME: Yes.
THEM: Do YOU fart?
ME (enthusiastically): Absolutely!
THEM: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

There is a very large, happy-go-lucky, sixteen year old boy who likes to give me bear hugs and is always otherwise overly affectionate with any and all females. I have decided that he isn't pervy but it's still poor boundaries. I have spoken to him about it before and the other day after he decided to give me a squeeze I loudly told him, in front of a mixed-gender group of his peers, that while I appreciated and returned his affection that the appropriate way for him to show it was to put his arm around my shoulder and give me a side hug (I've given him the talk about squashing ladies' bosoms previously). I said being captured in a bear hug by a man as large as himself could be a little intimidating for somebody who didn't know him that well. Then I had to explain to him why it was intimidating.

I mentioned it to the Boss and all he had to say was that it said something about me that a very large portion of the kids come in and want a hug from me on a regular basis. When I thought about it I guess it is true; a lot of the kids from the little delicate, innocent sixth graders, almost all the girls, to the gigantic macho football boys. The kids who don't come up wanting a hug are a handful of boys who are at that awkward stage where they are probably mortified to hug their own grandmothers in private.

Now it should be noted that I am NOT a demonstrative person, nor am I touchy-feely. Nor am I a pervert and neither are the kids being sexually inappropriate (I don't let the minority that are within arms length and I nip their behavior in the bud immediately). There are a bunch of boys who are usually hanging over my shoulder if I am working on something and not playing a game with them directly or something, a couple girls who will lean their heads on me, and even one of the oldest boys will when he is tired, which is really funny because he is being completely innocent about it and goes from sixteen to about eight years old.

Busy Busy

Things have been busy even after summer session concluded and we only have the kids four hours a day. I got employee of the month for the region at one point. I'll just do some highlights of what's been going on. There is no way I could make some of this stuff up.

• The day after the drama mentioned in my last post I had to play drill Sargent all day and make the kids clean. They were cleaning the inside of the van and asked if I'd move it around to the hose so they could clean the outside. Well I thought this was an excellent idea and made them get in and buckle up. There were quite a few parents in the parking lot so I was inching the van forward and craning my neck so none of them would back into me and while doing so managed to misjudge how widely I needed to turn around my own truck and managed to put a 2' scratch in the side of the van with my front bumper. All the kids started SCREAMING, then thought it was hilarious, then were offering to lie to my boss so I wouldn't get fired.
• Delicate Neighbor Boy's mom is no longer mad at me.
• The dad of the kids who were constantly in trouble, and were tormenting Delicate Neighbor Boy, came in and asked if he could bring me a paddle to use on his boys. I declined. We eventually got rid of them because they were constantly in trouble. As much as I like them it is a relief not to have them at the club.
• One day we had an awards banquet and borrowed a bunch of the chairs and tables. When we took them back we threw them in the back of my pick up. I drove over and they walked over and unloaded them. They then walked back, stood in the road linking arms while singing "We Will Overcome". This prevented me from parking. I drove around the block and they still wouldn't move so I parked across the way and walked over. I was chased, captured, and was going to be put in a garbage can until a police cruiser drove by and I was dropped and all the kids ran.
• I was recently smacked in the face with a piece of pizza. Crust-side down fortunately.
• I now have several parents on the speed dial of my personal cell phone. This is a very effective discipline strategy.
• One day I was sitting at my desk doing paperwork while the kids were watching a movie, something we do on Fridays. Suddenly one of my Angels erupted from his chair, slapped his hands on my desk and bellowed in my face: "Are you writing me up?" Now I know this kid would never hurt me but it was still totally out of line and I hadn't said a word to him in at least half an hour and it hadn't been about his behavior. Sometimes I think he's bipolar.
• My acne has been improving so one of the kids wanted to know if I used Proactive.
• If I wear make up they howl. If I don't wear make up they tell me I need to put some on, I can't win.
• They didn't mind too much when I colored my hair.
• There is this one kid who tells me I'm ugly when he's mad at me and tells me I'm cute the rest of the time.
• One of the fourteen year olds has a tattoo.
• For some reason a number of the kids try to sit on me. I have resorted to defending myself by exclaiming loudly:"I am NOT going to jail!"
• My blabbermouth coworker got in trouble for insinuating that one of the girls was a whore.
• One of the kids asked me if I'm a racist in those exact words.
• The kids were absolutely obsessed with knowing who I voted for for president. I think it is totally unprofessional for teachers to share this information with their students, but I am not a teacher. I think the reason they were so obsessed was because they wanted reassurance that I could support something that was important to them. I refused to tell them until after the election and then I only told a few of the older ones, privately, who were just rabid to know.
• We have a very attractive 19 year old female volunteer. I was sitting with a group of the boys and one announced that he'd like some tutoring and then made some very inappropriate noises and gestures. I am glad they are comfortable with me but geeze, the line needs to be drawn somewhere. I am constantly telling them that it's normal and ok to have those kinds of thoughts BUT part of learning to be a gentleman is NOT verbalizing them unless maybe you are alone with your buddies like in the locker room or something.
• Speaking of boundaries: all the boys openly fart in my presence and some of them make a point of coming in and farting in the office when I am working in there. I do not understand this at all. The positive aspect of this behavior is that I am pretty sure it means they do not view me as a sex object.
  

Disaster...

Today's rant in brief:

• I walk in and the kids are watching a bootleg DVD that my coworker brought in without first watching it herself.
• I had to explain the definition of "bastard" to a kid whose parents were never married.
• After taking my break I was met at the door of the Club by about 5 kids who had snatched my list of award nominations from my coworkers and were miffed about what I had or had not nominated them for.
• I had to explain to the Christians why it was not ok to harass the atheist.
  
• The nephew of the very religious mom gave me a note today asking me to call her when I got in. I had previously expressed by concern to her about rumors of her then 12 year old daughter and a fairly nice 13 year old boy "dating". I'm pretty sure I wrote about it here somewhere. Anyway she wanted to ask me about another boy, who is a very nice young man. I told her that I honestly hadn't heard anything about it but I suspected that they might have been trying to conceal it from me since I told her about it the last time. The deal is that this young lady, who is now 13, may not "date" but she may have male friends and they are welcome to attend her church and related functions. with her and her family. I haven't seen anything inappropriate and assured the mother that if I had I would have contacted her immediately. The young lady in question was mad at her cousin for giving me the note so I'm guessing she does like this boy and hasn't told him the rules yet. She refused to discuss it with me and I advised her to be honest with her mother then I had my boss discuss it with her.
  
• Some sort of drama broke out that involved crying and I am now heading a five teen cleaning crew. They are being punished for spreading rumors and engaging in drama. I'm not even sure what happened but I am now in charge of the cleaning crew. I don't do crying.
• At least three sets of parents had to meet with the director about said drama.
  
• Some kids had mentioned to me when I first came in that there was a conflict yesterday with another kid about a fantasy card game that they all play. Later when his mom, whom I know outside of work, came in I expressed some concerns to her about some unsportsmanlike behavior including crying when he doesn't get his own way, and throwing tantrums when he losing wherein he throws things on the floor. Apparently she didn't like my use of the word "tantrum" and called my boss. He said I probably didn't need to say tantrum, but then again he's never seen the kid in question act that way, but he wasn't worried about it and I do not have to apologize to her. Of course they live next door.
• After we got all the parents out the door the fire alarm went off. A kid apparently hit it just right with a basketball.
• Now several more older adolescents have expressed their feeling that I am their "mom away from home". Gross.
• I got a new hair cut. 50% of the girls love it, 50% hate it and aren't afraid to tell me, and 25% of the boys hate it. The rest didn't notice.
• One of the girls told me I have pretty legs and that I should show them off more. I told her I didn't because I wanted to set a good example about being modest. This is one of my "boobie girls" whom I've made change on more than one occasion.
• My boss left me a pile of paperwork to do tomorrow morning.

Thank the stars they go back to school next week, I don't care if it means less money!

Lock-In

A lock-in is an event wherein adolescents are locked into a facility, usually a school, gym or church, all night and are allowed to stay up all night with fewer rules and regulations than they are usually subjected to.

We had one Friday night. I was supposed to work from 8:30 until midnight and then be relieved by a coworker. I finally got to leave at 2am. I am ashamed to admit that my boss, who is old enough to be my father, stayed up ALL night without using stimulants. In all I was awake for 2o hours straight on Friday.

If you do not have kids, or they aren't teens yet, and you have not seen a teenager in their pj's count yourself very lucky!

That was WAY more than I ever wanted to know about any of them!

Some of them brought stuffed animals, which I can handle, but the pajamas were just WAY too much.

There were no fights, which was nice, and the other nice thing was that the dish I brought for the potluck received high praise in that it was declared to "be like black folks food!"

Firestarter: A Rant...

I am not amused.

Yesterday the kids trashed the bleachers at lunch time for the last time. They had already lost their snack bar privileges and that didn't seem to stop them from throwing refuse on the floor under the bleachers so today they were not allowed to sit on the bleachers and there was much grumbling about eating lunch while sitting on the floor. The really disgusting part was that there were still food wrappers on the floor even after all that.

This morning I took a group of kids outside. Since it was really humid I let them do whatever they wanted as long as they stayed on the field or sat in the shade under the tree. A group of them were tossing the football around and one of the older girls was inspired to throw it across a busy street. I happened to look over just then as one of the younger boys darted across the road to get the ball. I was of course livid and sent them both home. The boy in question has been written up three times already and it is only Tuesday.

After lunch the director called me into his office and told me that somebody had started a fire in the men's room. He had all the boys turn out their pockets, patted them down, and checked their shoes. He didn't find a lighter or matches so I got to do the same for all the girls. I have never ever had desire to touch an adolescent girl's midsection, much less 20 of them. I didn't find any incendiary devices either. Frankly I am 99.99999999999999% sure that none of our current members would do that anyway. I suspect it was one of the demon spawn encroaching on the other side of the gym. Some of them are more than a little weird and I wouldn't put it past them to start a fire.

Ugh...

The other day one of the kids told me I was "like his second mom". Fortunately it was one of the younger kids, it would be extremely disturbing if it were one of the older ones. By younger I mean 13 as opposed to 16. Ugh!